


Your Song

by livlostinstarlight



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies), Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon), Tangled (2010)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Don't Ask, F/F, I rarely know what I'm doing, I was listening to El Tango De Roxanne and this happened, It ends eventually, Moulin Rouge AU, Pain, Pining, Somewhere, Sort Of, That's it, Useless Lesbians, and yearning, let's call it pure self indulgence, no one dies here, so much pining, there might be a plot in this angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:28:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28073214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livlostinstarlight/pseuds/livlostinstarlight
Summary: MOULIN ROUGE AU (because reasons)Rapunzel, Eugene and Cassandra are bohemians, specifically they are wandering musicians, who get hired by the director of the Moulin Rouge to write a play. Little did Cassandra know she would find herself catching feelings for Elsa, the Sparkling Diamond, the pupil of the Mouling Rouge. It might be the biggest mistake she has ever done.And the thing is, it might not be unrequited.
Relationships: Anna & Elsa (Disney), Cassandra & Rapunzel (Disney: Tangled), Cassandra/Elsa (Disney: Tangled)
Comments: 32
Kudos: 22





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, if you came here to find sense, you will find none.  
> The thing is I am just really invested in this ship and I keep coming up with ideas to make them meet and fall in love. Blame the Moulin Rouge soundtrack for this one.

“She is watching.”

Cassandra doesn’t raise her head, she just keeps fumbling through the music sheets “Is she now.”

“Yup, she is not being really subtle about it” Rapunzel tiptoes around the piano, coming around to stand in front of her “Have you two talked?”

“What’s there to talk about?”

The brunette ungracefully smacks her on her arm, and Cassandra turns to glare at her, but she is looking back at her, not at all fazed, crossing her arms “I don’t know, maybe the fact that _you love each other_?”

Cassandra almost chokes on her own air, her eyes widening in panic, she briefly glances around them to make sure no one heard, but luckily the girls are barely paying attention to them, just animatedly chatting, savoring their break from the rehearsals, while Eugene is busy being Eugene, talking too loud and distracting everyone.

And the infamous blonde figure is just there, all by herself as always, in all her cold beauty, leaning on the balustrade of the first floor, scanning everything with her blue eyes as if she is keeping watch for something. She still hasn’t come down to rehearse today, not that she needs to, the perks of being the epitome of beauty, grace and skill.

The perks of being the pupil of the Moulin Rouge.

Cassandra goes back to Rapunzel in a blink, replying in a quiet hiss: “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Raps. No one is in love here.”

Rapunzel simply rolls her eyes, shaking her head a little “Cass, please. It’s me.”

“So what?”

“So, you can tell me anything, you know that.”

She hopes Rapunzel will drop it, but it’s wishful thinking, if she knows her well, and she knows her plenty, her best friend won’t rest until she gets a proper answer, or until she will have done anything in her power to fix whatever situation is there to fix. Cassandra adores her, deeply, she is an amazing friend, always keen to help anyone or to lend an ear to whomever needs it, but when she wants, she can also be relentless, even worse than a dog with a bone.

That’s why for the sake of her sanity, she opts to give her something, just to ease her mind: “First of all, you talking to _me_ about love sounds absurd. Like, seriously, you know I don’t do that stuff. Second…” leaning again towards the piano, she takes the music sheets from the music stand, so she can have something to play with her fingers “… love is not something possible in a place like this. This whole place is a fake: the Moulin Rouge is not a place for love. That shit director would end anyone who dared to approach his girls” she can’t hold the bitter laugh that escapes her “or at least anyone who didn’t pay for it…”

And Rapunzel, always the optimist, doesn’t miss a beat: “I know, it’s terrible… but that doesn’t mean it can’t happen. Love can grow everywhere.”

“Of course you would say that.”

“And it’s not so absurd the idea of you falling in love. Just because you _don’t want_ it to happen, doesn’t mean it _can’t_. It’s not a bad thing to have feelings for someone...”

Cassandra stiffens for a moment, it’s almost scary how much Rapunzel is able to see right through her, suddenly feeling more exposed, she decides to shift her attention, focusing on scratching a stain on one of the music sheets, not because she really cares about it, but just to avert her best friend’s burning gaze.

It’s no use, Rapunzel’s fingers brushes Cassandra’s shoulder fondly, offering some sort of comfort, she doesn’t need to say anything or push her further, she just waits.

Because despite her tendency to keep everything inside, in fear of appearing weak, at some point Cassandra will need to get things out, to lean on someone, and Rapunzel will always be there to listen.

In fact, that’s indeed one of those moments, and she is unable to avoid admitting: “It’s not that...”

It’s a whisper, but that doesn’t mean Rapunzel hasn’t heard her, on the contrary.

“No” she sighs, gently squeezing “it’s about showing vulnerability.”

A knot forms in Cassandra’s stomach, the truth of those simple words ringing in her head like a bell.

She chooses her next reply carefully: “Like I said… this is not place for love. We came here, because they hired us to write a play. We are not here to mingle or… have an affair with one of the girls” she shrugs dismissively, her face opening into a resigned grimace “and to fall in love with _The Sparkling Diamond_ would not just be foolish, it would be a whole other level of stupidity _._ Besides…” she pauses for a second, briefly glancing once more at the woman up there, before she can stop herself “… she already made things pretty unequivocal.”

The other’s eyes flicker a little in surprise.

“She did?”

As if on cue, as if she was able to perfectly hear them even from that distance, Elsa, the Sparkling Diamond, the jewel of the Moulin Rouge, the most beautiful woman in all France, _but Cassandra has travelled, a lot, in her mind there is probably no one comparable to her in the whole world_ , turns in her direction, her blue gaze settling on them. Or more specifically _her_.

_That shade of blue should be illegal._

If she was also a terrible person, it would be easier for Cassandra, to get over her stupid crush, but obviously she is not. Elsa is probably the kindest and understanding soul she has ever encountered, always gentle, always selfless. And with a mind so sharp you can’t help but being in awe by it every time she opens her mouth.

Everyone is always careful with her, they treat her differently, just because she is the Sparkling Diamond, afraid of displeasing the master, even if she would never do or say anything that would put them in jeopardy. They all treat her like she is made of glass, and there is nothing further from the truth.

Elsa is not delicate or fragile in any way, she carries herself with an elegance and a strength that capture everyone in the range of miles.

And the absurd thing is she doesn’t even do it on purpose, that’s just how she is.

But despite everyone’s beliefs, she is not perfect, at all.

She is always posed, her blue gaze is controlled, _cold_ , she is _constantly_ keeping herself in check.

Cassandra has always been curious of what would happen if she would finally let herself go, of what might happen if she slips, but Elsa has always been adamant to not let anyone get too close to her, and the fact that Cassandra, who is the epitome of keeping to themselves, has found herself wanting nothing more than to reach out to her, is even more surprising.

And for a while they have, they have gotten close.

It's extraordinary what can happen when you put together two extremely reserved people, who slowly learn to open to one another, discovering in each other someone that understands and listens, better than anyone else. Almost like a kindred spirit.

Their conversations are what thrills Cassandra more, they are always unexpected, she never knows what might happen, and she waits for them and savors them with constant anticipation.

Or at least she did, now she just misses them.

_It might be a little deeper than a simple crush._

She even holds her gaze for a few seconds.

Elsa though, probably wasn’t expected to be caught, because the moment their eyes meet, she inhales sharply, her back straightening as if she has to take a long deep breath to calm herself down.

A thing that for Cassandra is a bit flattering.

There are a lot of things she would like to say, to do, there are even a few things she would rather not feel.

But despite how much she would want to, she has no control over her heart, she hasn’t had for a while.

_What did you do to me? Why did I let it happen in the first place?_

She comes back from her daze just because Rapunzel clears her throat, startling her, “If that’s your way of denying you are _hopelessly_ _completely_ head over heels for her… you are doing a very poor job.”

Cassandra slightly narrows her eyes, hoping to convey as much annoyance as she can, but of course her silent threats are weak, and pass right above the brunette’s head.

Then because she is tired, or maybe because she just needs to finally say it loud, she spits out: “It doesn’t matter what I feel. She said that love is not an option for her.”

“Oh, come on… It’s not fair.” Rapunzel groans “You _finally_ let yourself fall for someone, but you go find yourself someone even more cynical than you.”

“She is not cynical, she is just… level-headed.”

“That is just another fancy wordy to say stubborn as a mule… But I thought _you_ were the uncontested champion in that discipline.”

Her frown makes her wrinkle all her face, and Cassandra can’t help but chuckle “Don’t worry, it’ll pass. I can deal with this” she even waves her hand in the air, trying to dismiss the thing like it’s nothing more than a fly “I am not _…_ I am not in _love_ with her...”

Rapunzel doesn’t give her a proper answer, instead she just blatantly snorts, betraying what she really thinks about her last statement.

And at that sound, Cassandra gasps, outraged “Raps!”

“Sorry, sorry...” she tries apologizing, then she attentively pierces her lips “But you have to admit that’s not… true” she even pokes her a little with her finger “it’s not just a fleeting thing for you, I can tell. I don’t think I have ever seen you like this…”

“Like what?”

“Entranced.”

“Entranced?”

“Yes, _entranced_.”

Now it’s Cassandra’s turn to snort, but it’s more to hide her embarrassment, now more than ever she wishes to run away from this conversation, but it would be really difficult to sneak out unnoticed.

Rapunzel would just chase her, because she is like that.

And Cassandra can run as much as she wants, but the truth constantly catches up with her, she is more and more aware of it every day. It doesn’t help that her temper leads her to brood and overthink more than she would like to. Her mind is her own enemy, always getting back to _her_ one way or another.

She feels pathetic in a way, for how one person has managed to completely turn her world upside down in so little time. But when she is with her, she doesn’t feel pathetic, not in the slightest, as sentimental as it may sound, she feels _light_.

_My god I am so lame._

She shakes her head so forcefully she almost yelps from the chair.

“Cassandra…” there is fondness in her best friend’s tone, but she still awfully sounds like a mother reprehending her child “You know what I mean.”

And perhaps Cassandra is tired of keeping it together, she is tired of holding herself back, she is just tired, and she needs to let it out: “You know what? _Fine_ ” she musters all the courage that she has to finally say it properly: “I am…I think I might… be in love... or whatever.” If her voice wavers a little at the end of her sentence, it’s totally intentional.

It takes one, maybe two beats, for Rapunzel to answer. Maybe she too needs time to process the news.

It’s a big thing for both of them. Probably for the universe too.

There might be an apocalypse in the next few days.

Then suddenly Rapunzel _lunges_ at her, grabbing her by the shoulders, her eyes glinting in excitement “That’s great!” she even shakes her, like a stuffed doll “See? That wasn’t so hard. _I am so proud of you_.”

She stops the moment she notices the way Cassandra is glaring at her, her eyebrows practically reaching her hair, all her face screams _Seriously?_

“Sorry, too loud.” Rapunzel smiles apologetically, carefully letting her go and patting her arm a couple of times “Really though, I am happy for you. That’s good.”

“How is it any good? Have you been listening to anything I was saying? _She doesn’t want me_.”

“That’s not what she said, she said that _love is not an option for her_ , those were her exact words? Right?”

Cassandra nods stiffly, not getting what point Rapunzel is trying to make, but by now she knows better than interfering with her thoughts. In fact, she keeps going: “Then she didn’t reject you. She just said _she can’t_ , as if there is something that _prevents_ her from it” she nudges her with her shoulder “and I don’t believe for a second she doesn’t love you back. Not with the way she acts around you. There are a lot of things to consider, that prove without a doubt she feels the same.”

“She literally avoids me every chance she gets” Cassandra rolls her eyes, her tone dripping sarcasm “but by all means, please go on.”

She indulges her, not because she truly believes that’s true, or maybe because secretly she hopes it a little, but because her best friend won’t stop before anything until she speaks her mind, and until all the people she loves are happy.

“For starters she smiles more often.”

“That’s not… that not true.”

“It is, you know how she is, she always looks so… restrained in some ways. Always so tense” her voice drops down abruptly, it changes as she chants: “ _but not with you_.”

As if it hasn’t been enough for her vacillating sanity, Cassandra shamefully feels herself blush “You are being _ridiculous_.”

“She seems like an entirely different person when you are near. She is more at ease with you, you _both_ are” Rapunzel shoots her eyebrows up, her signature knowing smile plastered on her face “and you can’t be that oblivious not to have noticed it.”

Cassandra can’t deny that it is slightly accurate, Elsa does seem more relaxed when they are together, still she sighs “Let’s say that you are right, that she maybe, _maybe_ , feels the same. She made pretty clear that nothing can happen.”

“If that’s what she thinks, she is very bad at showing it.”

“What do you mean?” Cassandra shouldn’t ask, she should settle to keep quiet and ignore all of it until it passes. She should stop torturing herself like this, she should stop and move on once and for all.

She knows her value, she is great, she could go and find herself someone more approachable, someone to have fun with, or maybe even someone to be happy with, with whom it would be easier.

But against all odds, against all reason, she can’t bring herself to.

Perhaps she stubbornly doesn’t want to either.

 _Elsa_. Elsa who is a whole other level.

She pretty much defined the expression _out of reach_.

Rapunzel’s words make her come back to reality in full force “She can hardly take her eyes off you.”

And of course, because at this point Cassandra has literally less than zero control over herself, her chest gives an unmistakable flutter.

_You thought nothing could rattle you? Congratulations, Cassandra. You were wrong._


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I blame El tango de Roxanne for this. That song made me do it.

Everything is wrong today.

Elsa is restless, and she shouldn’t be, she should know better than to let herself be driven by how she feels. At this point she should have learned to be in control of her emotions.

But she is queasy today, worn out even, she just wants to get over with the rehearsals for the afternoon quickly, so she can go back to her room.

It’s a blessing that tonight is her free night too, she doesn’t have to fulfill her usual _Sparkling Diamond’s duties_ , so she can just rest, breathe and take a moment for herself. God knows how much she needs it now.

But first she has to go through the show’s rehearsals. And it has been proving more challenging than usual.

Eugene has been retracing the tango with her for a while, usually she can remember easily the lyrics and the steps of a song, but today it takes all her concentration to properly focus and not let her mind wander. If she would let it, she would take her to places she is definitely not ready to visit.

It’s a struggle to concentrate also because the object of her turmoil is a couple of feet from her, glancing at her sporadically, being adamant in ignoring her presence.

She shouldn’t be let down by it, by the fact that Cassandra is barely acknowledging her, in the end Elsa is the one who called off anything that might happen between them, talking to her only when she absolutely needs to, avoiding to deal with her as much as she can. So, truthfully, she brought this to herself.

It’s for the best, to be apart, but it doesn’t make it easier to accept.

It doesn’t quieten the longing either.

And Cassandra, always chivalrous Cassandra, has been doing everything she asked her to.

She is sprawled on her chair now, ungracefully so, one leg resting on the armrest, her fingers fidgeting with one of her music sheets, _she always does that when she is nervous,_ looking like she wishes to be anywhere else but there. And despite the fact she is one of the composers of the play, and she should have every right to step in and have a say during rehearsals, she remains silent.

But Cassandra is not one capable of hiding her displeasure or discomfort in any way, she is closed-off, but she also wears her heart on her sleeve. She keeps frowning, her eyebrow twitching now and then, ever so slightly, the way it does when something is bothering her, Elsa often reprehends herself for noticing these kind of things, but she can’t seem to stop.

Cassandra is not easy to define, the closest term Elsa can use to begin to explain her is _anomaly_ , an anomaly that made tumbling down every plan or certainty she might have had.

Elsa has always been in control of everything, every detail perfectly organized.

Since she became a courtesan, raising herself to the point of becoming the best, her life has become monotonous, even if people come and go to the Moulin Rouge and one might think every day is different, instead at some point every day starts to feel the same.

In a sense it’s better this way, almost a relief, she can shut down everything she might feel to keep doing what she has to. It doesn’t get easier, but it gets bearable at least.

But then Cassandra happened. _Unexpected_ , _uncommon_ , like a breath of fresh air.

Elsa admires her, because she is free of being whatever she wants to be, and she chooses to be herself, she doesn’t care about what other people might think of her.

Many may see her as troublesome, but that’s the mistake of a superficial first impression.

She might be blatantly impulsive, unapologetic, a bit rude even… But behind all that façade of toughness, she is also fiercely protective, driven… and sensitive.

Cassandra only pretends not to feel a thing, when in reality she feels too much, she probably has the biggest heart Elsa has ever seen.

And with her she has never felt the need to restrain herself or act, she can just be herself.

And that makes all the difference in the world.

Or at least it did, because now it’s all over, and it’s her own fault.

Holding Eugene’s hand, she repeats one more time a specific figure of the tango, carefully doing the steps over and over again.

Until, suddenly, at the nth attempt, Cassandra groans. _Loudly_.

Eugene and Elsa stop practicing the choreography and turn to look at her.

She probably did it without thinking, because she suddenly stiffens, realization dawning on her.

Eugene is used to her attitude, still it looks vaguely annoyed by the interruption “What is it, Cass?” he asks, putting his hands on his hips.

She swiftly takes back control of herself, shrugging dismissively “Nothing.”

“That didn’t sound like nothing.”

Then before she can stop herself, Elsa opens her mouth and blurts out: “It’s something wrong?”

Cassandra hesitates just for a second before answering her, her hazel eyes flickering a little “I said _nothing_. Don’t mind me.”

Eugene tries to catch Elsa’s attention “Hear that? Nothing. Come on Elsa, let’s take it from the top” he gives Rapunzel, seated at the piano, a gesture with his head to make her resume playing, and that should be all it takes to make her go back to whatever she was doing, like nothing happened.

Yet Elsa finds herself dodging Eugene’s hand, her gaze still firmly on Cassandra “Please a moment, Eugene. I would like to know what Cassandra has to say, if she will indulge me.”

Maybe it was just a misstep, maybe Cassandra really had no intention to interrupt them, but maybe Elsa just wants an excuse to talk to her, it has been awhile since they have spoken to each other, they do it so rarely lately, and she has been missing it greatly. She has been missing _her_ greatly.

_Am I really that desperate?_

The answer is probably yes.

And she is not the only one feeling the magnitude of that one simple gesture.

All the other girls stop whispering between them at once, Rapunzel widens her eyes, maybe she too fears this won’t lead to anything good.

Truth is they have always been tiptoeing around each other, even when they didn’t say things out loud, their actions always spoke volumes, and now is no exception. But it’s no secret something has changed, even the most distracted ones have noticed they don’t spend time together as they used to.

So, seeing them publicly interact, it’s not something expected by now.

Everyone in the room is practically holding their breath to watch the mess unfold.

And at this point Cassandra can’t exactly run from this, Elsa did address her.

She slides down her leg from the chair and stands up, reaching the rehearsal stage almost dragging herself to it, then she finally looks at Elsa directly “The thing is… you are not selling it.”

Of all the things she imagined she could say to her, this was not one of them.

Elsa blinks, perplexed “I’m sorry, what?”

“You are playing a woman in love, in the middle of a forbidden affair…” she rests her foot on the step of the stage, her whole body forward as she leans on her knee for support “But you are not being very… believable.”

It takes all her composure not to flinch right there: her corrections don’t revolve around her stance, or the steps of the choreography, not even on the intonation of her voice. What she is saying is that Elsa _can’t fake desire for someone else_.

“You are saying… that _I_ am unable to _pretend_ to _want_ someone?”

Implying that a courtesan can’t act as if she is involved in what’s happening is a ridiculous and absurd idea, but specifically her? Even more so. As much as she hates her role with every fiber of her being, she does it anyway at the best of her capabilities, because she has to, not because she wants to. And she is good at it, she is not just a regular courtesan, she is the _Sparkling Diamond_. If _she_ can’t fake properly, then who can?

Something flashes through Cassandra’s eyes, but it’s too quick and too much all at once to properly grasp it, and Elsa has a hard time deciphering her.

She is like a maze, constantly changing, to get you lost the more you keep walking.

She brings her hand on her forehead, absentmindedly scratching her temple, almost looking embarrassed, she probably can’t believe it either that she is saying something like that to her “All you look like is as if you are going to _throw up_ sooner or later” she clarifies slowly, and for a split second, Elsa almost thinks she sees her briefly looking down on her. As if it’s an out of spite reflex.

But Cassandra would never, not to her, never to her.

But the more she thinks about it, the less sure she is, because how can she be certain of it? After all, Elsa is the one who shut her out, who told her to stay away, she would have every reason to despise her now.

She should be glad if Cassandra hated her now, it would give her an excuse to avoid her better, it would be easier to keep her feelings at bay, yet the mere thought of Cassandra hating her makes her _sick_ to the core.

But a part of her is also offended by the insinuation, mostly annoyed that _this_ the first thing Cassandra has said her in ages, it ticks at her pride, perhaps she expected something different.

_What? You told her to leave you alone. She is doing what you wanted._

But this is not what she wants, this is what she is supposed to do.

So, she prefers to let that part to take over, rather than the pain, and replies: “Then what do you suggest I do, _Cassandra_ … to be more, how did you say? _Believable_?” she sounds way more defying than she planned to, she says her name like a challenge, like _she_ wants to have a fight, and deep down maybe she does.

It’s probably not the same as their usual conversations, but at this point she will take what she can get.

_Come on, Cassandra. Yell at me. Fight with me. But just say something._

Cassandra narrows her eyes, she probably didn’t expect such a reaction from her, but she has never been the one to back down from a fight, on the contrary she has always dived into them headfirst.

She stops holding her gaze with a jerk and turns, quickly scanning the room, then when she spots who is she looking for, she extends her hand “Aurora? Would you mind?”

“W…what?” the girl gasps, surprised of being dragged into this argument, she doesn’t seem to understand how this would involve her too.

And neither does Elsa, because the moment those words leave Cassandra’s mouth, her blood runs cold.

Yet Cassandra appears to know exactly what she is doing, in fact she approaches Aurora in a few steps, still with her hand outstretched “I need someone for a demonstration. You know the choreography, right?

“Yes, but…”  
“Great. Come on, dance with me.”

Cassandra never dances, _never_ , it’s one of those things she avoids like the plague. But that doesn’t mean she is not able to. But she’s not just stepping in personally, she is doing it with _someone else_.

Apparently, she is taking Elsa’s request to avoid each other to the fullest.

Warily, curiously, Aurora, takes her hand in hers, and raises to her feet, then with a forceful tug Cassandra pulls her towards her, settling into position, almost making her yelp in surprise.

“Follow my lead” she mutters in a hushed voice “and make me believe it.”

Aurora gulps, but nods, raising her chin.

“Alright, Raps. Whenever you are ready.”

But when the music plays and they begin to dance, it’s clear from the start Cassandra is not just showing how the tango is supposed to be done, she is doing it with _meaning_.

It’s beautiful to watch, but when she spins around Aurora, every time she looks at her, she touches her, for Elsa it’s also a whole new level of suffering.

And since it’s not enough, Cassandra starts talking too: “You should look like you are _desperate_ to be with them as long as you can…”

She seems like she is giving her directions, but she awfully sounds like she is talking about something else.

Like she is talking about _them_.

Cassandra lets Aurora go, making her pull away for a moment.

“You want _them_ to be with you and no one else…”

Her hand clasps around Aurora’s wrist leading her back to her.

“You are supposed to _feel_ , to _let go_.”

She brushes her fingers on the other’s arm.

When they are done, and Cassandra concludes their little number by dipping Aurora, Elsa is the one who feels almost drained, as if she is the one who has just danced, her lungs struggling to function.

Aurora on her part doesn’t look better either, her face is flushed, she awfully looks as if she is going to faint, so Cassandra drags her back up in one swift movement like she weighs nothing.

The others around them carefully clap, murmurs of awe and surprise run through them, they can’t deny they were good at it, better than good, _amazing_.

Cassandra moves away from Aurora and takes a deep breath, she goes back to her usual defensive self in a blink and tries to shake everyone’s gaze off with a shrug, yet she turns only to the person she did this to begin with “You can’t _hold back_.”

Her last sentence feels like a last blow and at this point Elsa’s mind is just screaming. In pain. In rage. Everything all at once.

Because her life shouldn’t have been like this, she shouldn’t have lost her parents at such a young age, she shouldn’t have been poor, she shouldn’t have become a prostitute to provide for herself and her sister.

And she especially shouldn’t have to give up on the only good thing she has ever wished for herself, life took enough from her, why can’t it let her have this for a change? _Why can’t it let her be with Cassandra?_

It’s not fair.

And Cassandra shouldn’t make things harder for her either.

But it seems like she is acting with the sole _purpose_ of taunting her, to not let her forget what she will be going to miss out. And that hurts Elsa even more, because after all they have been through, after all they have _shared_ , she assumed Cassandra cared more about her, or at least enough not to bring her more pain, but perhaps she was deluded.

Cassandra has not finished though: “That’s how it’s supposed to be done, that’s how you should look” then she addresses her dance partner: “You did well. Great work.”

“Thank… thank you. You too.”

“Thanks, you can go back to your seat now.”

But when she does that, Aurora stumbles for a moment and Cassandra rushes forward “Whoa… you okay?”

“Yup, totally fine.” she shoots her hand up, waving it dismissively, then as she sits, she blurts out: “I am just not as straight as I thought I was.”

Cassandra stills on the spot, on her part Aurora doesn’t appear remotely bothered of having admitted that, instead there are a few giggles coming from the girls, so amused as if they are attending a particular engaging show.

Now it’s Cassandra’s time to blush “Well… thank you, that’s… flattering.”

“Anytime” she shoots back “seriously, _anytime_ ” the way she pronounces it makes it clear she is not exclusively talking about dancing, and the worst thing is Cassandra looks a little smug about it, mostly embarrassed, but still _smug_.

And just like that, Elsa snaps out of her pit of self-pity, another strong feeling getting the best of her above everything else: complete and utter _outrage_.

Perhaps it’s a little bit immature, and childish, but she is not in the mood to be _mature_ right now.

She clears her throat _loudly_ to remind everyone that she is still there, and she is still the _Sparkling Diamond_.

She brushes a lock of her hair away from her forehead and briefly closes her eyes, before opening them again, all her previous emotion gone, once more hidden from the world, and speaks: “I’m sorry, I… Actually I… I am not feeling well, may I be excused?”

A curious thing happens, Cassandra’s shoulders slouch back, confusion written all over her face, but Elsa can’t stand to look at her now, not without fearing to break right there in front of everyone, or worse, snap at her, betraying how she truly feels.

Rapunzel is the most receptive between all of them, she intervenes, as gentle as ever, raising from her seating gracefully “Of course, don’t worry Elsa. We can do this tomorrow. Go rest now.”

Elsa nods and moves to leave, but for a moment, before reaching the stairs, she blatantly side-glances at Cassandra when she passes near her, and when she does, she sees her stiffen.

There is something else in her eyes, there is _hurt_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elsa is taking the emotionally constipation to a whole new level. The baby is stressed.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this fic is probably a challenge with myself that goes like "how much sad can I get?", the answer is "probably a lot"
> 
> Bonus point to anyone who catches the reference I put somewhere in the chapter

If looks could set something on fire, considering for how long Cassandra has been staring at Elsa’s door, that door should be ashes.

She should probably leave, go to her own room, go have fun even, there is a party somewhere, there is always some sort of celebration at the Moulin Rouge, she should leave and drink her sorrows away.

And yet she remains there, leaning on the staircase, eyeing the door of her room, waiting, hoping maybe that she would show up. But she hasn’t, she probably won’t.

She has been doing what Elsa asked her to, keeping her distance, she secretly hoped that doing so would help her ease her mind and maybe dull her raging feelings. But she is not that naïve to believe it will be that simple, truthfully, she has been missing her terribly. Even if they have never been together to begin with.

But you don’t need to be with someone to miss them, they might be close to you physically, but watching them from afar, knowing you can’t be near them anymore, is a whole other level of aching.

_When did this happen? When did I turn exactly in what I always swore to never become?_

And today she wasn’t even supposed to intervene, she was supposed to mind her own business and go through the day, so later she could go brooding and moping in peace somewhere else.

But she didn’t make it.

_How did I not notice she wasn’t feeling well?_

Elsa looked odd, but more than odd, she looked _mad_ , and Cassandra can’t explain it, she can’t recall something happening that might have upset her.

Perhaps the fact that today she wasn’t her usual self, and that might have reflected on her performance.

Normally she can dance, sing, move perfectly, there is a reason why she is the pupil of the Moulin Rouge. Yet today, there was something she was failing at, and it is something incredibly rare.

Maybe that was the problem, then why did it look like she was mad at _her_?

Now Cassandra is just worried, she was so focused on herself, on what she was feeling, that she failed to notice something was wrong with Elsa.

Despite whatever reasons she has to reject her, this doesn’t give the right to Cassandra to mistreat her or hurt her feelings in any way. Elsa deserves better.

_She deserves everything._

With that thought, her mind finally set, she climbs the steps hurriedly, stopping before that forsaken door. And before she can chicken out of it, she quickly knocks and waits.

She is inside obviously, but she is not answering, Cassandra should take that lack of response as a sign Elsa doesn’t want to be disturbed, she should seriously walk away and stop bothering her.

But once again she is too stubborn to do the sensible thing.

She knocks again “Elsa? It’s me, Cassandra.” she hesitates, maybe she really is ill, and Cassandra is just making a fool of herself. But she came there for a reason, and she should really stop stalling “I have come to check on you. To see… if you are feeling better.”

She is almost about to leave when a hushed familiar voice comes from inside: “Come in.”

After a quick deep breath, Cassandra grabs the doorknob and slips inside, shutting the door behind her.

She doesn’t find her in bed, instead Elsa is on the balcony, with one of her silky robes on, as she stares at the city at night. The lights of the view are lightening her up, her platinum blonde in her usual braid is almost the same color of the stars. She looks like a painting, her eyes lost scanning everything and nothing all at once, as she is faintly tapping on the stone parapet.

She looks beautiful as always, but she also looks sad, so Cassandra doesn’t really like it.

She reaches her hesitantly, coming to stand near her, close but far enough to not invade her space.

“Hey” she gulps “sorry for the late hour… I just… I needed to talk to you.”

She doesn’t respond, she is not even _looking_ at her, and this is making Cassandra’s heart clench “Listen, I didn’t realize you weren’t feeling well, I-”

“You don’t need to apologize.”

Hearing her talk makes Cassandra feel many things all at once, mostly relief, until she properly registers what she said “What? But-”

Elsa finally acknowledges her presence and turns to look at her “I wasn’t performing correctly, you were right in that. I can’t hold it against you the fact that you were doing your job.”

“Oh, okay...” Cassandra is not entirely convinced, and she is perplexed on why she might have thought she had come there to apologize, but she doesn’t investigate further “Are you okay though? Do you feel better?”

The blonde laughs, but there is no humor in it, she goes back gazing at the city “I’m okay, there is no need to fuss. I’ll be back in rehearsals in no time.”

“That’s not… that’s not what I meant.”

“It wouldn’t matter anyway, as they always say, the show must go on. And if I shouldn’t be ready for it, I am sure someone could replace me easily. _In every way_.” there is bitterness in the way she says it.

“Elsa what…”

She suddenly cuts her off, she probably has been holding on too that thought for a while if it comes out that harshly: “May I just ask why? Why are you doing this to me?”

It’s so abrupt and unexpected, Cassandra can’t help but doubletake “I’m sorry what? What I am doing?”

“You know what I am talking about.”

“I really don’t.”

Elsa scoffs, raising on her feet in a huff, shooting her a deep look that is a mix of tiredness and… pain?

_Why is she in pain?_

“We talked about this, I told you _I can’t_ , and yet you go and do… whatever was _that_. Why are you trying so hard to drive me _insane_?”

Cassandra is so confused right now, she literally doesn’t know what the hell is happening, she came there with a whole other intent, she didn’t come to look for a fight, she just wanted to make sure Elsa was alright, because despite their issues, she was worried about her, and instead, she is feeling weirdly attacked.

And after a moment of puzzlement, a sense of dread starts creeping on her.

“I… _I_ am the one driving you insane? Elsa, honestly… I can’t see the problem, it was just a rehearsal, you have no reason to be mad. You weren’t at your best today, so what, it happens. No one is perfect, not even you, you will do better tomorrow.”

“This isn’t about the corrections… this is about the way you _acted_ ” she tries to hide her discomfort by crossing her arms “There is a difference between showing the choreography and… _that_.”

 _That,_ she keeps repeating it, it has a weird sound as she pronounces it, it’s like she can’t bring herself to even say it properly.

_Of course she noticed._

Truth be told, Cassandra is not entirely innocent.

During rehearsals Cassandra should have just stuck on giving her usual directions, instead she found herself performing the choreography personally, and when she did, she didn’t just do it, she went _big_.

She was so stressed by their whole confusing situation, that she just needed to vent.

In a different way than usual.

She might be slightly hurt from the rejection more than she thought she was.

And what is worse, is that she did the whole thing thinking about _her_ , because as much as she keeps shoving it down, she _wants_ Elsa, she _loves_ her so much she feels she is going to burn in the feeling.

Perhaps she did it to put out the fire.

But she is trying to make peace with the fact that Elsa doesn’t feel the same or doesn’t want to take a chance on them. That’s just how things are, there is not much Cassandra can do about it.

But she just needed to take everything out until it consumed her completely.

She had hoped it wasn’t so evident, but apparently, she had failed in that too.

She clears her throat “What I did… it was… I had something on my mind, that’s all” she doesn’t know how to explain this to her without completely revealing herself “and my intention really was just trying to do my job, showing you how it was supposed to be done. But it might have come out more strongly than anticipated. I...” she pinches her own arm “I was just trying to cool off.”

“So you weren’t trying to provoke me? To rub into my face what I am going to _miss out_?”

The accusation stings, because not only she is throwing into her face something she clearly wasn’t planning to do, but mostly because she _thinks_ Cassandra could be capable of something so spiteful.

Maybe once she would have been, but she is not that person anymore.

And Elsa knows this, they _talked_ about this, about how Cassandra fears she will fall again into her past destructive behavior.

So the fact that Elsa is the one to think it, it hurts more than she can explain.

She is struggling, not to completely lash out, it’s a miracle by itself she is holding herself back, and mutters through her teeth: “Are you being serious right now?”

On top of that, Elsa doesn’t reply, but she doesn’t need to, because it’s pretty clear what she is implying. She just shakes her head, making Cassandra’s blood boil.

“And with _Aurora_?” the name comes out almost in a hiss, it’s not something typical of Elsa, it sounds strange coming from her, but frankly all this conversation she has been sounding strange.

 _So that’s what this is about_.

Cassandra is finally understanding the true reason why she is acting like this. There is only one explanation, and if a part of her is almost gloating about it, another, a much deeper one, is just completely and utterly _furious,_ because of all the things she could hold against her, this is definitely not one of them “I can’t believe this is happening… I can’t believe _this_ is what it is about… you are being weird right now because-”

“I am _not_ being weird.”

“ _You are being weird right now_ , because you are _jealous_?”

They fall into silence for a moment, Elsa is recollecting herself to respond properly, as if she is trying to find the right thing to say to justify her behavior, or to at least deny it.

But what comes out of her, it’s just a whisper: “I am not… _jealous_.” it’s not clear if she is repeating it to convince Cassandra or herself, regardless, it doesn’t work.

“You are. You absolutely are. But that’s the thing… that’s rich, really rich coming from you.”

“I beg your pardon?”

Her head twitches, apparently even with all her efforts to always remain collected, anger is not a sentiment she is immune to. She tries to put some distance, going back inside, but Cassandra trails after her, determined not to let her have the last word.

She grabs her hand, making her stop on her tracks, and Elsa doesn’t even flinch, maybe she is tired of running too.

“Cassandra…”

“ _No_ , shut up, just _shut up_. I let you talk, now you listen to me, whatever you like it or not.”

Despite how much Cassandra despises showing emotion, revealing vulnerability, this is something too big to ignore. This is something she has to get off her chest once and for all.

This time they do have to talk and be completely honest with each other.

She squeezes the hand in hers before carefully letting it go, mentally preparing herself before speaking again: “You… you have no right to be jealous.”

“I told you I’m not-”

Cassandra points a finger to her face, letting her anger flow “ _You have no damn right to be jealous_. And you can’t possibly accuse me of doing something so shitty just to spite you. Because you know I am not that person anymore, you know how much I _care_ about you, I don’t...” she stops, clenching her jaw, but it’s with a smidge of satisfaction that she notices how Elsa’s eyes waver a little, she never thought she would ever see the day something could nick her coolness.

“You tell me _I_ am the one driving you crazy, when all I have done, is _listen_ to you, give you _space_ and do _exactly_ what you asked of me. Because even if I disagree with it, I am respecting your choice, I am respecting _you_. But there is a huge difference between what you say and what you do. And you know what? I am done being nice about it, because truth is, I am trying to do what you told me to, to get over you. _But_ _you don’t fucking let me_.”

She is so exhausted, that she is just pouring her heart out, shame or embarrassment be damned, she just hopes not to sound too desperate.

“You tell me it’s not possible, and yet _you_ come looking for me every chance you get… And I _never_ turn my back at you, because clearly, I am an idiot, who can’t say no, not to you… _You_ are the one who said you don’t want to be around me anymore and now… _now_ you have the _nerve_ to be mad at me because of _this_? News flash, Elsa, I can do whatever the hell I want, and you can’t say _shit_ about it!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize…” Elsa closes her eyes, probably to hold back tears, and it’s hard, because Cassandra hates seeing her in pain, she hates herself even more for being the one bringing it to her this time, but she has to open her eyes and make her understand what she is doing.

“And that’s even worse! Because you are not doing it intentionally, you are not holding on to me because of some sort of twisted behavior, it would be easier if you were... No, you keep doing it, because deep down you like having me around, you like _me_. Then if you do, for fuck’s sake just _stop pushing me away_!” she probably sounds harsh, and a bit insensitive too, but she can’t bring herself to care right now, now it’s not the time to be preoccupied of how she might be feeling, now she must think about herself “Or if you don’t, just _leave me alone_ …”

She turns her back at her, nervously passing her fingers through her hair, ruffling it even more, in a vague attempt to take back control of herself, then she adds in defeat “And make up your mind for a change…”

The silence seems to stretch time, it might be seconds, but for Cassandra it feels like hours, when Elsa finally talks back, and when she does, it’s a hushed whisper: “I’m sorry…”

And it sounds so _broken_ , Cassandra can’t turn fast enough.

Elsa has her hands on her arms, caging herself, _she always does it when she is upset_ , and even if she is usually good at keeping her emotions in check, right now she is blatantly failing at it.

She is even trembling a little too.

And even if Cassandra is mad out of her mind, and usually a touch-averse person, right now she doesn’t even hesitate. It’s not healthy for Elsa to shut herself in again, and rather than let her shatter in front of her, she takes a step forward and attentively takes her hands, freeing her from her own grasp, settling them on her forearms, this way she can let her lean on her.

And she does, her fingers wrap around them, and she even let her head fall on Cassandra’s shoulder, deeply breathing, at the same time Cassandra rubs her thumbs on the other’s arms to soothe her.

They stay like that for a while, until Elsa’s breathes slowly get steadier, her grip on Cassandra stronger.

“Can you stop being so attentive? You should be angry at me...”

It’s a weak attempt to be light, but her voice is hoarse, and betrays how she is really feeling, Cassandra fears that if she lets her go, she will fall. But Cassandra is also selfish, she has no intention of doing so.

And yet she can’t help but snort a little “I _am_ angry...” and she really is, but she is also hopeless, and they are basically clinging to each other “but maybe I went too far. I...”

“Don’t. Don’t apologize, I needed to hear it… You were right, you _are_ right. About everything. It wasn’t fair to you. I am the one who should be sorry… And I am, I really am.” Elsa sniffs, squeezing slightly her bicep “And I’m sorry about what I said earlier. That was… low. I didn’t mean it in that way, you… you would never do something like that. I don’t know what came over me, please forgive me.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. I have been terrible to you, it’s a miracle you didn’t snap at me sooner. And honestly, I deserve it, I deserve all your anger.”

“You meant no harm.”

“But I am still doing it. Even if it’s not intentional… it doesn’t make it better.”

She coughs, aware they are wandering in dangerous territory “Are you… are you feeling better now?”

“Yes, all things considered… even if I don’t exactly deserve your concern at the moment…”

“You should seriously stop telling me what to do. If I want to worry, I’ll do it.”

She feels her shaking, but it’s not because she is sad or scared this time, she is chuckling on her shoulder, and for Cassandra it’s a relief to see her much calmer, she feels herself relax too.

Then because she is pathetic, and she already waved goodbye to her dignity a long time ago, she rests her forehead on the other’s head, in other circumstances she wouldn’t dare, but right now neither of them is exactly at their best, and maybe they both need to lean on someone.

She sighs “Why?”

If she wasn’t in her arms, she wouldn’t notice, but Cassandra does notice the way Elsa stiffens imperceptibly “Why what?”

“You know what.”

Elsa shifts, lifting her head, her eyes are sad again “It’s not like I don’t want to be with you.”

“I know that.”

“But I can’t.”

The worst thing is that when she says it, she starts pulling away, and it takes all Cassandra’s willpower not to hold her back, but she lets her anyway, twitching her now free hands with a renovated sense of dread.

“Why?”

She feels like a child, asking _why_ over and over again, and maybe she is acting like one, but she deserves to know, she _wants_ to know. It might give her some peace.

Elsa passes her hand through her hair, trying to brush them to make herself more presentable, the locks loosely escaping her braid “You know what I am, what I do for living.”

Of all the reasons she could have given her, Cassandra never thought this could be one of them, it didn’t even cross her mind, that’s why she scoffs: “I don’t care about that, I never cared about that.”

Elsa patiently raises her eyebrows, shaking her head “ _Really_? Doesn’t it bother you? Would you let me keep doing this if you were with me? Could you stand looking at me in the eyes still?”

“I… that’s not…”

“My point exactly.”

“No, _listen_. You believe I think less of you because of what you have to do to survive? Because I don’t, really, I don’t. We all do things we are not proud of.”

She stares at her for a moment, opening her mouth to say something back, but she closes it right away. Then again, her face opens in a grimace “It’s not… it’s not just that, we have to be reasonable, it couldn’t last. You won’t stay here forever, Cassandra. At some point, after the show, you are going to _leave_.”

Old Cassandra wouldn’t have given a shit about any of it, she would have come, done her job, and then left, without never once looking back. Old Cassandra didn’t do complicated feelings.

Old Cassandra didn’t do feelings _at all_.

But old Cassandra couldn’t imagine she would find herself so deep either, that’s why new Cassandra steps forward again and takes Elsa’s hand in hers, staring her down “Then come with me.”

It takes Elsa by surprise too, because she stammers: “W…what?”

“You _hate_ this place, you hate it so much and it’s killing you. So, leave it… and come with me.”

“Don’t… don’t be ridiculous, I can’t just _leave_.”

“You can, and you want to.”

Elsa keeps frowning and objects: “I… I can’t, I can’t. What about Anna? I’m sorry, you know why I am staying… despite how much I might despise it, I have a _reason_ to be here. She is my sister and I have to take care of her. No matter what happens to me, she must never suffer. Hunger, cold, or anything else.”

“You and Anna can come with us, Rapunzel and Eugene wouldn’t bat an eye about it, Raps would probably be ecstatic to have you. And I would never let anything happen to both of you, I promise.”

“You can’t promise me that.”

“I can and I am. Or at least I’ll try to… we could make it work.”

_You don’t even need to ask._

Apparently, desperation makes people bolder, and Cassandra brings their joined hands to her chest, she doesn’t even know why, it’s kind of a reflex, or maybe she just needs to feel her closer.

Elsa is a storm of emotions, her face passes from one to the other in the span of seconds, it’s like she is working through her thoughts without any filters.

And even if she is just briefly considering the idea, Cassandra can’t help but feel a little hopeful.

“You… you would get sick of me.”

Cassandra is _this_ close to scream, or to drop herself to the floor.

If Rapunzel calls Cassandra stubborn, then what would she say about Elsa?

_Am I like this too? My god, Rapunzel must be a saint to put up with this daily._

But she doesn’t tell Elsa any of that, it wouldn’t exactly work in her favor, but she is also too blunt and almost bursts out laughing in her face “You… you are _unbelievable_ , you know that? Seriously, that’s… that’s so _insane_ …”

“ _Cassandra_.”

“No, Els, seriously, you don’t understand...” at this point she has to tell her, because if Elsa really asked her that question, it means _she doesn’t know_ , and that’s so absurd and completely nuts she hasn’t already realized. But Cassandra can’t look at her in the eyes when she says this, she is not that _brave,_ so she turns her head to the side, gripping tighter the hand on her chest “That’s the problem… I could _never_ get sick of you, I’m actually pretty in love with you, turns out.”

And just like that, Elsa stills, Cassandra can’t even hear her breathe.

Eventually she will have to look, she can’t keep averting her gaze, especially if she wants some sorts of an answer, but Elsa seems adamant on remaining quiet.

In fact, when she does, she sees Elsa squeezing her eyes shut, like she is restraining herself from doing something and it’s physically paining her “I… I can’t put this weight on you, not just me, but Anna too… No, she is my sister. My responsibility” she puts her other hand on their already intertwined ones, gently brushing them, before carefully freeing herself from the grasp, but it’s not the worst thing, the worst thing is the way she is saying it, the tone that unmistakably clarifies that her decision is final “I’m sorry.”

That’s the moment Cassandra realizes that nothing she can say will change her mind.

And that’s also the moment Cassandra’s heart sinks.

Because even if she didn’t really spell it out for her, it’s pretty clear what Elsa thinks about her confession.

It’s not like Cassandra expected her to say it back, but completely looking past it, it’s another blow.

Cassandra has to leave, she has to leave _now_.

_This is why I don’t do feelings._

She forces herself to say something: “Alright then. Suit yourself.”

“Cassandra…”

She doesn’t even let her finish, she just shakes her hand and moves to leave stiffly, her body feels heavier at every step, it’s like she is moving underwater.

_Leave. Leave. Leave._

Once she arrives at the door, before exiting, she takes a deep breath, centering herself “Can you do something for me? You said earlier we had to stop seeing each other and keep it professional.”

Mercifully her voice doesn’t betray the utterly complete _heartbreak_ she is going through in that moment _._ Because that’s what is happening, she never thought it would occur to her, she always made sure it would never occur to her, yet Cassandra is getting her heart broken right now, _and god how much it hurts_ , the songs and the stories pale in comparison to this raw feeling. They don’t make it justice.

She grips the doorknob “Now… I am asking you to keep your word. Can you do that for me?”

_Can you at least do this for me?_

“Yes… yes, of course.”

It’s not helping to hear her voice so quiet, even softer than a whisper. She seems on the verge of tears.

Or maybe she is already crying.

But Cassandra can’t bring herself to feel bad or worry about her, feeling bad for _herself_ is taking all of her strength right now. Besides, Elsa _thinks_ that what she is doing is the right thing, and even if she doesn’t love her back, this does hurt her too.

_If we hurt each other so much, being apart is for the best. Maybe we really are bad for each other._

But the most stubborn part of herself doesn’t believe it. She doesn’t _want_ to believe it.

Still she has to.

“Good. Goodbye Elsa.”

She doesn’t wait to hear her reply, without further due, she jerks the door open and slips outside.

For a moment, before bolting from there, she almost thinks she heard a choking sound coming from inside, but she doesn’t stop to check.

She doesn’t stop until she reaches her own room, practically sleepwalking all the way there.

She stops just when she gets inside, slamming the door behind her, and sliding against it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry. But I promise the suffering will stop. Eventually.


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elsa *in pain*  
> Anna: NOT ON MY FUCKING WATCH

Elsa is too busy tormenting her bottom lip, her mind elsewhere, she doesn’t even realize for how long it has been awfully quiet, and knowing Anna, she should notice that it’s not normal for her sister to stay without talking for so much time.

And yet the redhead has not said a word in at least ten minutes.

Until she abruptly does, sighing so loudly that Elsa, still seated at her vanity, gets startled on the spot.

“It’s ridiculous.”

Elsa absentmindedly tucks a lock of hair behind her ear before answering in a defeated tone: “What is?”

From the bed, with a pillow firmly clutched in her hand, Anna gasps, not bothering to hide her outrage.

“What do you mean _what_?”

“Anna, I’m not a mind reader, if you want me to give you some sort of response, you should at least explain to me what we are talking about.”

The thing is, Elsa knows exactly what she is talking about, she can’t say that she is surprised that her sister is finally addressing the matter, actually she almost expected her to confront her about it earlier, she hoped in vain she wouldn’t, but obviously she was never going to escape it, Anna being Anna, would never let her get away with this. Elsa shakes her head, preparing herself for the next most difficult conversation she has to deal with in the span of few days.

“Seriously, we are not gonna talk about the problem here?”

“There is no problem, Anna.”

She surprises even herself for how firm she is being.

She sounds very dismissive, but she doesn’t seem able to keep herself in check right now, or the anguish that flows her words. She can’t put whatever this is on Anna, she is the bigger sister, she is supposed to take responsibility for her, not the other way around.

Yet Anna is not that easy to fool.

“Yeah… I don’t buy it. I don’t buy it _at all_.”

Elsa stiffens, she doesn’t understand why Anna keeps pushing her, what she is trying to accomplish.

“I told you, nothing is wrong. If you came here because we haven’t spent time together in a while, I am happy to see you, but if the reason is another, then I don’t know why.”

Anna furrows her brow “Elsa, I can see you are hurting, but you can’t push everyone away, push _me_ away. It’s not good for you.”

“Anna, I’m fine, really, you don’t need to worry about me.”

“I don’t believe you. I know when you are lying to me, and you are clearly not okay, so forgive me if you saying _everything is fine_ sounds fake to me.”

“I’m sorry I’m not reacting to this the way you would want me to.”

“I am not asking you to react in a particular way, I am asking you to be _honest_ with me. This is tearing you apart, I can tell.”

“You don’t know _anything_.”

“I don’t because you don’t _tell_ me _anything_ , and you don’t let me _help_! _Please_ … I thought we were past this, I thought we were through hiding stuff from each other!”

“Anna, I mean it, _enough_!” frustrated, Elsa can’t help but snap, she lets her hand fall on the wood of her vanity, the jolt of pain barely serving to awake in her some sort of responsiveness.

She feels immediately guilty, the last thing she wants is to be cruel to Anna, she doesn’t deserve it, not after everything Elsa has put her through in the past. She promised her a long time ago she would never shut her out again, yet now it’s proving hard not to, but she is not doing it to cause her pain, she is just trying to spare her from her own. She can’t give her sister one more weight to bear.

“I’m sorry, please forgive me. I… I’m just so _exhausted_.”

Anna’s gaze softens, and she lets go of the pillow, sliding down from the bed and crouching beside her sister as she leans on her knees for support.

This time her question comes far gentler than before, as if she is talking to a little kid, or someone extremely distressed, both things Elsa kinda feels like right now.

“Elsa please, talk to me. How are you? Really.”

And Elsa wants to tell her, she really does, but how could she even begin to explain how she is feeling now?

She doesn’t know how to properly describe it either.

_It hurts, it hurts so much it’s like I can’t breathe._

“You know you can tell me everything…” Anna tries to soothe her, rubbing her arm.

“I know.”

“Then tell me… what’s going on?”

In the end Elsa gives in, because she is tired, right now she wants nothing more than to lean on Anna, find comfort in her presence and let herself be taken care of, because she feels like she’s on the verge of breaking any moment and she is not sure for how much she can keep up with this façade.

“It’s… it’s about Cassandra.”

“Yeah no shit.”

“ _Anna_.”  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please go on.”

Elsa takes a deep breath, leaning on her hand, her fingers faintly brushing her own mouth “We had a fight, a really bad one.”

“The girls told me, they mentioned the rehearsals were tense today.”

Elsa shakes her head “It wasn’t about that, I mean, not really…” sighing, she rubs her temple “it’s… it’s complicated.”

“You love her. She loves you. You told her to stay away. You are both suffering because of it. See? Not that complicated. Honestly, I don’t know why you keep self-sabotaging yourself like this, this is only making you miserable, and you shouldn’t be. You just need to be honest about your feelings and _tell her_.”

“As I told you before, it’s not something I can allow myself to do. Besides…” she twitches her fingers, clenching her fist “I think this time it’s permanent. She will not want anything to do with me now. And maybe it’s better this way, for me, but especially for her.”

Anna rolls her eyes and groans, making Elsa’s widen in disbelief.

“You are being way overdramatic.”

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are, but you don’t have to…” she pats her on her thigh giving her an encouraging smile “You guys can sort this out, honestly, I am pretty sure she cares about you too much to stay mad at you. You just need to go to her, apologize, tell her you have been dumb. Trust me, she will forgive you in a heartbeat.”

Elsa almost winces at her words, her chest tightening, her reply comes in a whisper: “I don’t think that’s possible…”

“And why is that?”

Elsa drops her head, fidgeting with her fingers as if she is trying to rub something off “Because she told me.”

“Told you what?”

“Before… before _leaving,_ she told me she loved me. In a very unquestionable way, she just… said it.”

It takes a few seconds for Anna to react, she spends at least fifteen seconds remaining completely still, her eyes growing wider. Then she abruptly lunges at her older sister, gripping her forearms “ _She said it_?”

“Yes.”

“She said she loves you? No hesitation? Just _I love you_? Like that?”

“Yes, she did… and...”

“There is an _and_?”

“Yes, there is. _And_ … she asked me to run away with her. With her, Rapunzel and Eugene. Actually, she said you and me both should go with them.”

“ _She what now?_ ”

“Can you please stop shouting?”

“How… Why am I the only one freaking out about this? How can you be so calm! You should be the one shouting! This is great! I knew I liked that girl for a reason… she is _freaking_ _amazing_. When do we leave? How much can we take with us? Oh god, I need to start thinking about what to pack. This is going to be _insane_.”

She jerks up and starts walking back and forth, talking so fast it’s almost impossible to keep up, she seems like she is already planning the whole thing out loud.

It’s like a hurricane has completely taken over Elsa’s room, as she helplessly watches her little sister going from one end of the room to the other, commenting on everything, picking up shirts, and dresses, or anything remotely easy to pack that Elsa should bring with her in _their whole new adventure_.

“Anna… Anna!” she calls her back to order, making her stop in her tracks with a frown “Stop that, we are not going anywhere. I told her _no_.”

Anna blinks.

“Wait _what_?”

“It’s better this way.”

Yet the more times she says it, the less she is convinced.

Anna pierces her lips, then she opens her mouth, but no sound comes out and that’s what probably unsettles Elsa even more, because her sister not capable of coming up with something to say is way more scary, than when she is yelling at her because she is being difficult.

It should be a relief, this fighting finally coming to an end, but deep down she feels weird about it, because maybe the darkest part of her actually wants is for Anna to keep arguing, and who knows, maybe convince her that what she is doing it’s a mistake. A terrible mistake.

_What would it change? I can’t do it, even if I want to._

Then Anna does speak, and when she does, her voice is almost breaking, not in anger though, it painfully sounds as desperation: “Are you actually _out of your mind_?”

“I’m not.”

“ _Elsa_.”

“Anna, stop. Seriously. It was the right thing to do, the only sensible one. So please…”

“No, it _wasn’t_. Elsa, listen to me. I know you try your best, and I always back you up when you are doing something, whatever I like it or not, but this time… I can’t, because _this time_ you are purposefully ruining your life, and I am not standing aside as you go through with it!”

“I think you are exaggerating.”

“Am I? Because I think this might actually qualify as the _dumbest_ thing you have ever done.”

At this point Elsa can’t take it anymore and she just lashes out, letting it all go, the pain, the frustration, and stands up shouting back at her sister: “And what will you have me do? Tell me, Anna. _What_? Ditch everything? How could you possibly think I would leave it all behind? Here I have a steady job, that gives us a roof, enough money to provide for ourselves. And your life is here, I could never ask you to _throw it all away_ because…” she hesitates, what she is supposed to say?

_Because I love her? Because she loves me? Because we both love each other but I can’t follow my heart because it would be too reckless?_

“It doesn’t matter anyway… Not this time. She told me she loved me, and I said _nothing_. I told her _no_. I… _I broke her heart_.”

_And by doing that, I shattered mine._

Suddenly so worn out she can’t stand, she lets herself fall to the ground, but luckily Anna is there to catch her, holding her close in her arms.

She has never seen her like that. Not even in their worst moments.

Elsa holds on to her and lets out a sob, one become two, and soon she is crying, gripping at her shirt like it’s a lifeline, hiding her face in her sister’s shoulder as she shakes.

“Elsa, it’s okay… it’s going to be okay, I’m here...”

“I’ll lose her, Anna… Soon she will leave and I… _I will never see her_ _again_ …”

Anna doesn’t let go of her once, repeating her over and over again, that she is not going anywhere, whatever she needs she is there, they can do this together.

Elsa starts slowly calming down, as Anna keeps stroking her back to remind her of her presence. And that makes Elsa feel slightly better, overwhelmed by gratefulness, because she doesn’t know how she could manage without her. Even when everything seems to go sideways, at least she has Anna.

With her head on her sister’s chest and their hands intertwined, Elsa sighs: “Thank you…”

“Anytime. I’m just glad you let it all out. You shouldn’t keep shoving everything down.”

“I’m actually crying an awful lot lately. It seems like all I do is cry these days.”

Anna absentmindedly brushes through her blonde hair.

“A really bad thing that we should definitely talk about more. But one problem at a time now… we should focus on fixing the matter at our hands first.”

“Anna, I appreciate your optimism, but not everything can be fixed.”

“But this can…” she slides her hand on Elsa’s shoulder, rubbing it encouragingly “listen to me now Elsa, listen to me very carefully. I know you love me, immensely, and I love you, it’s always been you and me against the world, and nothing will ever change that. We will always be there for each other. But… you can’t keep putting all the world’s weight on you, you can’t keep shielding me because you want to protect me from everything. I am not that fragile, you know? I’m actually pretty tough.”

“I know you are, you are not just my sister, you are my rock… And taking care of you is not a burden for me, I’m glad to do it.”

Anna takes a deep breath, and something inside Elsa tells her she is about to say something difficult.

“But that doesn’t mean you can use me as an excuse to not to go after what _you_ want… because you are _afraid_.”

“I am not afraid.”

Anna smiles knowingly “Sure you aren’t… But that’s okay, it’s supposed to be this way, every jump into the void is scary. But you don’t have to do it alone… And I have a feeling this thing in particular could turn out pretty great for you.”

Then Anna does something Elsa hasn’t seen someone do in a very long time, with her little finger she retraces the line that goes from Elsa’s forehead to her nose. Obviously, Anna knows exactly what she is doing, what that gestures means to both of them. Their mother used to it when they were little.

It makes her sadder all of a sudden, but also, more relaxed, as if their mother is really there with them to sooth them with one of her stories.

“You can’t sacrifice your own wellbeing because of me. You don’t need to, and I would never ask you to, I want you to be happy. And _she_ makes you happy, I have never seen you like that in a very long time…”

“But I… we c-”

“Please don’t say we can’t, because we can. And we _should_ ” her grips around Elsa gets tighter “you always put _me_ first above everything else, this time, let me do this for _you_.”

In this moment Elsa feels a lot of things all at once. Fear, sadness, frustration. But mostly… relief and especially above else, _hope_. A strange anticipation, the one you feel when you are about to throw yourself over a particularly high cliff, it looks dangerous, but the feeling when you do it… must be the most extraordinary thing in the world.

“When did you get all this wise?”

“I learned from the best… my big sister. She is the strongest person I know, incredibly selfless… but also dense to the point of idiocy. Have you met her?”

At that, Elsa lets out a laugh, a free full one, the first in a while.

“Besides” Anna continues “you are really asking me to choose between staying in this awful place, where everything stinks, or running away with Cass, Rapunzel and Eugene? As if there could be any hesitation about that. Seriously, and you thought I was gonna say no? Living on the road? An adventure every day? Sign me up!”

And Elsa suddenly feels lighter, in some ways she feels stronger, ready to take on the world if she wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anna is the best. I love her with my whole heart and honestly, we would all be lost without her


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in so little time, I am really on a roll

“Are you sure you don’t wanna come down to rehearsals today?” asks attentively Rapunzel one more time.

But the only response she receives it’s a grunt, then because apparently, it’s not enough, Cassandra hastily grabs her blanket, bringing it up to cover all her body, head included, turning into a full cocoon.

“I’ll take that as a yes” she sits on the edge of the bed and pats Cassandra on what is probably her side, but it’s hard to tell from outside, “I’m sorry, Cass.”

“I’m fine. Can you please leave me alone now? I’m tired and I want to take a nap.”

She isn’t and they both know it, but none of them has any intention of point that out, Rapunzel doesn’t think it would help her to talk about what happened, not this time. Despite how much she wants to, she really can’t do anything, if not just being there for her when she needs.

“The music sheets are on the nightstand” Cassandra mutters in a defeated tone, but she doesn’t make any move to change her current situation, she remains covered, hiding herself from sight.

With one final pat, Rapunzel stands up and goes to the nightstand collecting the stack of sheets of the songs’ show, but her eye catches something at the bottom of it, a couple of papers who probably slipped to the ground, she quickly picks them up and rearranges them, before tucking them under her arm.

She shoots one last look at her best friend, then she exits quietly closing the door behind her slowly.

Left alone, Cassandra grips tighter the bedsheets in her hand and wraps herself more comfortably with them, making her head poke out of the cocoon, a few strands of her hair messily displayed on the pillow.

She sighs and closes her eyes, trying to force herself to sleep, but no matter how exhausted she feels, she knows she probably won’t be able to, but right now she would do anything to stop her thoughts from running wild, and especially to stop feeling at all.

********************************

“Alright, guys, it’s sing-time. Cass finally made those changes to the songs, now it should all go smoother… Let’s see what you guys can do.”

She sits at the piano, the pile of music sheets on top of it, vaguely ruffling them as she searches for the first song she is going to rehearse with the girls, who one by one start moving closer to her, placing themselves around the instrument.

Elsa slowly approaches at the brunette’s right side, and quickly scans the room, realizing something, and of course disappointment follows right after.

But she doesn’t even have the time to say anything, that Aurora is already giving voice to her thoughts: “Where is Cass anyway? Are we starting without her?”

At the mention of her name, Rapunzel shrugs it off in a blink: “No, she… she wasn’t feeling well. I told her to take the day off.”

No one questions the news, not out loud at least, because it’s obvious there must be more behind it, but they don’t push her for more. Elsa is the one less convinced among them, she is not that foolish to believe that Cassandra is not there because she is sick, the reason can’t be no other than herself.

And she feels tremendously guilty about it, but mostly, she feels her missing.

_She can’t even see me._

Rapunzel’s eyes briefly pass on her, Elsa almost expects her to glare, or show any sign of mistrust towards her, considering that her best friend is hurting because of her and she has always been very protective of her, but Rapunzel does nothing of the sorts, she smiles at her, even if it’s not one of her usual open ones, it’s tighter, sadder even, it gives her small comfort.

An overexcited series of questions interrupts her train of thoughts.

“Wait, we are learning a new song?”

“What do you mean a new song?”

“What? But the show is in three days, we can’t add one more number.”

“Is it a solo? Can I get that?”

“Guys… guys, quiet now” Rapunzel waves her hands in the air to stop the chattering “what are you talking about? There is no new song in the program.”

“Then what is this?” Aurora faintly shakes the sheet of paper in her hand, where stands out an unmistakable scribbled handwriting, she turns it in her hands as she reads the first lyrics “Maybe a last-minute addition?”

Belle bends to take a better look, peaking from behind her shoulder “Let me see…”, soon the girls are already circling her to see for themselves.

Snow White even bumps into Elsa in the rush, making her almost stumble.

“When did Cass find time to write this?” Merida points at the score with a confused frown.

“It’s so… _tender_.”

“Who knew Cassandra could be capable of something so heartfelt?”

“Can we hear it?” Aurora leans on the piano dangling the slim piece of paper under Rapunzel’s nose, soon around her it turns into a collective plea.

“Oh, please Rapunzel, can we?”

“Play it, play it, play it.”

“Pleeeeease.”

The brunette eyes it warily, clearly unsure on what to do, it takes her a few seconds, then she must decide there is no harm in playing it, and grabs the music sheet handed to her, putting it on the music stand, she is probably curious about it too.

Without putting much thought about it, Elsa inadvertently gets closer to Rapunzel while she adjusts herself on the piano stool. She stretches her hands on the keys, then she starts, first hesitantly, then as she goes on, she gets more confident, the notes filling the silence of the room.

It doesn’t come as a surprise to Elsa that Cassandra is an excellent songwriter, and now is no exception, the melody is sweet, it sounds so light and hopeful, less melancholic then Cassandra’s usual style, it’s like being cradled by it, and Elsa can’t help but feel calmer.

Then Rapunzel begins singing.

_It's a little bit funny  
This feeling inside  
I'm not one of those who can easily hide  
I don't have much money, but boy if I did…_

************************************

After an endless restlessness, Cassandra finally managed to give in to exhaustion and doze off, but she slowly awakes, coming back to her senses when her ears pick up something, a tune making way into her room and inevitably into her head.

It comes from downstairs, most likely from the girls’ rehearsals, and it’s very familiar, but maybe because she is coming out of her slumber, she is still confused, and despite how much she tries, she can’t quite place it. She rolls in the bed, turning her head towards the music.

She almost gives up, when Rapunzel’s voice starts singing the first lyrics and her body freezes in horror.

_No._

It’s like a cold shower, in the rush of getting out of bed she practically falls off it, but she doesn’t even stop tidying herself up, that she is already standing up and running out of her door.

She arrives at the balustrade of the first floor, from there the scene is pretty clear in front of her eyes, the group of girls circling Rapunzel around the piano as she plays that forsaken song.

And of course, among them, there is _her_.

_She can’t hear it._

And Rapunzel has already finished the first verse, she can’t let her go on.

Cassandra forcefully slaps her hands on the balustrade, with so much strength to make it tremble, and she shouts loudly, her voice echoing: “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?”

The silence that falls is pretty deafening, they all stop at once, Rapunzel is so startled, she even stumbles on the keys, stopping abruptly. They all turn to look at her apprehensively, she has never been one with a sunny disposition, but now, judging by their faces, she probably must look _absolutely_ _terrifying_.

Considering the situation, she doesn’t mind it.

The only one bold enough to speak is Rapunzel, obviously: “Cass, we were just-”

“How, in god’s name, _did you get that, Raps?_ ”

“It was on the nightstand, I picked up all the music sheets, I didn’t know-”

“Damn right you didn’t” gripping tighter at the balustrade, she leans forward narrowing her eyes “that’s definitely _not_ one of the play’s songs. Don’t you all have a show to set up, instead of wasting time on _that trash_?”

“It was my fault, I found it among the others, I…” Aurora begins, trying to deflect her anger, but Cassandra snaps at her too: “I don’t care who started this. _Knock it off_. _Unbelievable_ , this is what happens when I miss _one_ _rehearsal_. Can’t someone take a fucking day off to be sick and rest in peace _without everything going to shit_?”

She is coming off way colder than she intends to be, but she is too mad to keep herself in check, but it’s not just that, she is _scared_. She thought she had hidden it better.

She wrote it a while ago, in the middle of the night, almost in one go, she had been too restless to go to sleep and she had tried to take advantage of the situation to put that time in good use.

She realized halfway through what she was actually writing about and why that song could never see the light of day. She thought of burning it many times, but she had never actually brought herself to do it.

It had seemed such a waste, after pouring so much of herself in it, she had let herself be driven by sentimentality and in the end decided to keep it, as a reminder, like a page of a diary written in form of a song, destined for her eyes only. Composing it, reviewing it, had been painful, but _freeing_.

Yet, hearing it now makes everything in perspective, seeing all she feels being displayed in front of everyone is a nightmare come to reality, a whole new level of anguish, and she wishes she had burnt is when she had the chance. She wishes it would be nothing but dust.

“We are sorry, Cass. Truly.”

Rapunzel’s pleading eyes are gripping sadness, worse, _pity_ , and Cassandra can’t stand looking at her one more minute, at anyone of them.

Her eyes go on their own accord and linger a couple of seconds longer to one familiar blonde, and she scolds herself internally for how weak she is letting herself be, yet she swears to herself it’s just the last time she will allow herself to do it. She really needs to get a grip of herself.

“Play whatever the fuck you want, but not _that_.”

And with one final glare she lets go of the balustrade, strolling back to where she came from.

Her steps echo on the floor, until she slams the door shut, making the silence fall once again.

*****************************************

Rapunzel clears her throat before speaking: “We… should get back to rehearsals, for real this time. Come on, girls. No more stalling.”

She takes the sheet down from the music stand, her hands almost trembling as if it could set fire into her grasp and puts it aside on the corner of the piano, like a particularly naughty child put into detention.

The atmosphere now is far heavier than before, everyone is hesitant to speak or move.

Snow White taps her finger on the piano, eyeing curiously the paper that started all of it to begin with and says softly: “I have never seen Cassandra so upset.”

Apparently, it’s all the encouragement needed by the others to speak their minds on the matter, and Merida scoffs: “Upset? She was _furious_. And for what? A song?”

“Maybe it wasn’t supposed to be shared, it might have been personal...”

“What if she wrote it with someone in mind?”

The moment those words leave Jasmine’s mouth, two things happen: first, Elsa stiffens imperceptibly.

Then one by one, they all turn to look at her, as if they know that what happened it’s her fault, as if they are aware of all the most obscure details about what’s going on between her and Cassandra, and they don’t stare at her subtly, they do it in a pretty shameless way, like they are expecting her to grow a third head or something, but they are probably just waiting for some sort of reaction from her.

Which they won’t get, because Elsa has no intention to show what she is really feeling.

Inside though it’s a whole other matter, _inside_ she is a raging storm of emotions, a million questions and doubts fill her mind.

She shakes her head trying to get her head back in the rehearsals, now it’s not the time to brood about her love life, _or lack of it_ “Rapunzel is right. We should get to work, we have lost too much time already.”

She hopes that her tone conveys as much authority as it is needed to call everyone back to order, and it surprisingly works, the girls settling and nodding in understanding begrudgingly, then she gives Rapunzel a small smile to reassure her that now they are ready to commit.

She begins playing so they can start with the vocal exercises, but while they wait for their turn, Aurora quietly slips near Elsa, tapping on her shoulder to draw her attention.

“Aurora, what is it?”

Instead of answering, she takes out from behind her back the sheet of the song, Elsa has no idea _how_ or _when_ she must have had the time to snatch it without no one noticing, but she is handing it out to her.

“You should take this.”

“I definitely shouldn’t, and neither should you. Cassandra didn’t want to us to find it, even less read it.”

“I already read it.”

“ _Aurora_.”

“Come on, Elsa. Aren’t you a little bit curious about it?”

“It doesn’t matter, it’s a violation of Cassandra’s privacy.”

“Perhaps…” Aurora wrinkles her nose, a mix of playfulness and awareness on her face “but trust me, if there is someone that should see this, it’s _definitely you_ ” and without further due, she just drops the sheets in Elsa’s hands and quickly pulls away before Elsa could even say something back.

Now with that ticking bomb in her grasp, Elsa feels even more unsettled.

She should ignore it, she should put it aside and forget it even exists, Cassandra said it herself, it was nothing important, she distinctively called it _trash_.

But if it really was nothing, why would it spark such a reaction in her? She had looked so mad when she said it, far worse, Elsa has never seen her so upset, almost resembling a cornered animal.

She fidgets with the sheets in her hands nervously, that should definitely be one more reason _not_ to read it. Because if it means that much to Cassandra, Elsa has no right to even look at it.

It’s a private thing, it’s a private thing that she, even less than others, should have access to.

But she would be lying if she didn’t admit that curiosity is eating her alive.

Because she wants to know how the song continues. She wants to know what scared Cassandra enough to come running and lash out like that. She wants to know if behind it there is a deeper meaning.

She gulps.

She tells herself she is doing it just because she is worried about her.

But truth is she just wants to be sure there is still hope.

And she begins reading.

_… so excuse me forgetting  
But these things I do  
You see I've forgotten, if they're green or they're blue  
Anyway the thing is, what I really mean  
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen…  
  
_

**********************************************

“Elsa…? Elsa, are you alright? Elsa?”

Startled, she slams the sheet against her chest, to hide it from sight, as if she has been caught doing something that she shouldn’t have. And in a way, she has.

“W… what?”

They are all looking at her again, this time with worry written all over their faces, except maybe Aurora who just smiles smugly. Rapunzel is the more perplexed among them, she is the one who has been calling her.

“I’m sorry, Rapunzel. Did… did you say something?”

“I was… well, it’s your turn.”

“My turn for what?”

Rapunzel blinks, but doesn’t reply, she looks too stunned to.

Finally, Elsa’s brain starts working again and she shakes her head, embarrassed.

“Right, the vocal exercises. I’m sorry I…” she moves to reach the piano, but she stops halfway.

One of the papers in her grasp faintly brushes her chin, probably as a reminder of its presence, in an almost taunting way, and the weight of it starts feeling a lot heavier.

There is this feeling, she is struggling to properly grasp, that she’s chasing but that just keeps escaping her, and without thinking, she brings the sheet closer to herself, so much that she could probably trying to assimilate it into her at this point. But it’s not enough yet. It doesn’t even come _close_ to being enough.

She is not so deluded to really believe that just because Cassandra loves her, _because it is true, no matter how insane it sounds to her, she really does love her, she said it herself_ , she could do something like that.

_It can’t be, she wouldn’t, she absolutely wouldn’t._

And Cassandra is not the type to talk about herself in her music, she hardly talks about herself _at all_ , but writing a song about them? It might be too much of a stretch.

_About me. This could be for me._

It can’t be possible, it’s far too intimate to anyone, and to her even more so.

But truthfully, she can’t know for sure, because Cassandra is a lot of things, and one of them, is surely unpredictable. But this... this is completely different. She wouldn’t do it, not even because of her.

_Would she?_

It doesn’t help her mind is a relentless place, it hardly lets her forget anything, instead it enjoys making her linger and overanalyze things, now more than ever.

She goes back to those few notes of the melody that Rapunzel was previously thrumming, and lose herself in them, so much they get stuck in her brain, and worse, the lyrics keep replaying over and over again.

_…I hope you don't mind  
That I put down in the words…_

And suddenly something clicks.

This might be the push that will finally lead her to do something.

And not because of the song, in the end it doesn’t really matter, not really, it might be about her, it might not, but Elsa doesn’t want to sit around going insane thinking about it.

Anna is right, she should stop let fear control her life.

In the end all she wants is _her_. She loves her and she is just so tired to deny it.

She squeezes her eyes shut, and when she opens them again, she knows what she is supposed to do.

No, she knows what she _wants_ to do. That’s all the difference.

And she has to do it _now_ , she can’t stall any longer.

She raises her head and shoots a look at the first floor.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry I have to go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I know no middle ground, I go from angsty to cheesy in a heartbeat


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dramatic? Check  
> Cheesy? Abso-fucking-lutely

Elsa starts knocking on the door frenetically but doesn’t even wait for Cassandra to tell her to come in, and just lets herself in without hesitation.

Inside, seated at her desk, there is indeed Cassandra, who raises her head, her face a perfect picture of surprise, and takes in the new presence.

Elsa still has her back against the door, her hands wrapped around the doorknob.

Cassandra blinks once, twice.

“You have got to be shitting me…” she goes back to the paper in front of her, shaking her head, not bothering to give her another look.

“I know I am literally the last person you want to see right now… but I just need you to listen-”

She gets cut off by a scoff.

“ _Listen_. That’s funny. A thing that you are _so good at_ , if you are here right now...”

The annoyance in her tone doesn’t come as a surprise to Elsa, snark is Cassandra’s primary defense mechanism, and Elsa can’t exactly blame her if this time she is making her the main target.

Cassandra keeps scribbling the paper, by some miracle it doesn’t come undone in her hands, considering how much she is heavy-handed, she doesn’t even raise her head when she speaks: “As much as I would _really love_ to go through this, _again_ … I’m busy right now.”

Elsa decides to leave the door and goes to circle the desk, stopping on the other side of it, using it as a barrier between them, a sort of safe distance. Safe for whom is questionable.

“Please I… I need to talk to you about something.”

“And what _I_ need… is some peace and quiet. But apparently personal space is a _dream_ here...”

She is clearly not pulling her punches, but Elsa knows it’s the pain talking, the snapping is just a cover-up, a very much sharp one, but she won’t be cut by it, she won’t be discouraged in any way.

“You are right but-”

“It really is astonishing, you know, your _complete disregard_ of what people ask of you-”

“Cassandra _please_.”

Maybe it’s her pleading tone, or maybe Cassandra feels like she went too far with her snapping, but her pen stops, and finally shoots her a look, her shoulders slowly slouching back in defeat.

“ _Fine_ … what is it?”

Elsa falls quiet, taking a moment to collect her thoughts, now that Cassandra’s hazel eyes are on her, is difficult to, she feels herself shrink under them, because even without saying anything, Cassandra has always been able to convey a lot of feeling just with them. Sometimes just in a blink.

It’s one of the things that make her _her_.

And now even if they are faintly glaring at her, there is also an unmistakable hurt that is impossible to ignore. Hurt that she is trying to hide with a dismissing attitude, but that is _still there_.

And it’s heartbreaking to see. Especially on her.

“You have every right to be mad at me. I get it, I do. Right now, I wouldn’t stand to be in the same room with myself either… But please hear me out. Just this once. Then if you will not want to have anything to do with me anymore, I’ll understand… And I’ll leave you be, I promise. And this time I will mean it.”

The knot in her throat is so tight.

She realizes how desperate she must sound right now, but she also doesn’t want to stop, as much scared as she is, she still has to say this, because if she doesn’t, she will regret it for the rest of her days.

On her part Cassandra gulps, but doesn’t say a word, she just slowly goes for resting her back against the seat. A sign that she is listening.

There are a lot of things Elsa would like to say, but she doesn’t know from which to begin.

So, she settles to stick to the easiest thing, the most important one, because frankly the rest is secondary.

“I love you. Completely.”

The way Cassandra stops breathing and widens her eyes is something that will crawl into Elsa’s mind and leave a mark forever. Whatever outcome there might be.

“I should have told you sooner. Instead I kept you at distance and drove you _insane_ with my indecision. But it wasn’t my intention, I’m sorry for that... Truth is, I was trying to conceal how I felt, or stop feeling it at all. And in doing that I told myself I was protecting you. But maybe… I wasn’t. I was just protecting myself, because I was scared. But despite my attempts I… I couldn’t stay away. I couldn’t let myself wish for something that I was afraid it was going to be taken from me either. Especially something that I never imagine I could feel or want in the first place. But the thing is… I want it, _so much_ … I don’t even know if I could ever give it up at this point.”

“Elsa-”

“Please let me finish. Please.”

It’s funny, she thought it would be much harder to admit it, to say it out loud, but it doesn’t. It feels freeing.

She might burst into relieved laughter any minute. But she can’t, she is not done yet.

“You were right about me, about _everything_ … I hate this place, it’s a living hell. All this time the only reason I stayed was because I thought it was my only option, the safest one for me and my sister. But… it might not be. Running away with you might be risky, scary even, but… it’s a risk I am willing to take. I want to get out of here, I want to be _free_ … And I want to do it with _you_. Because everything is better when we are together… since you arrived here, you even managed to make this _awful place_ bearable for me…”

The hardest part will come next, when she will have to hear Cassandra’s response.

She just hopes not to be too late, and especially not to cry, she really is tired of crying these days.

“With you… I don’t have to _disappear_. You make me feel like myself. And I love that, I love you. And I am… _tired_. I’m tired of denying it, it shouldn’t have taken me so long… but I am sure now, I want this. I want to be with you… I really, really do. If you want me, of course.”

_Please tell me you still want me._

“And I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry… No matter how many times I will say it, it will never be enough.”

The last words are spilled so fast, she almost tumbles on them in the rush, but she is done, she said what she wanted, _needed_ , to say, and now she just feels weird.

It’s like she is standing on the edge of a cliff, after she has been shouting from it for a very long time, worn out, but also at peace.

But there is this creeping feeling at the pit of her stomach that doesn’t leave her, it’s just there, the fear of being rejected. Because now all she can do is wait, wait for Cassandra to respond.

That’s a whole new level of anxiety she was yet to experience.

But Cassandra doesn’t seem to have any intention to react, she just keeps staring at her, still perfectly seated on her chair, her chin resting on her hand, the only sign she is still listening is probably the fact that she is blinking now and then. And her chest is moving, so she hasn’t stopped breathing either.

Then she pulls the hand away from her face, tilting her head as she averts her gaze, and retraces the lines of the wooden desk with her finger.

After all this stalling, _that is frankly making Elsa go insane_ , she finally speaks: “Are you done?”

Her voice is flat, not that Elsa can perfectly tell the difference, she is too dazed by her heart pounding in her ears, the adrenaline still running high through her veins.

“Yes… I… yes, I am.”

Maybe she is going to cry again today.

Then Cassandra stands, pushing herself up with the same hand on the desk, Elsa gulps as she watches her slowly approach, her face dangerously coming closer to hers. She is pretty sure she has stopped breathing, but Cassandra doesn’t budge, she just shoots her a look, that Elsa can’t manage to read.

Before her mind could make her go into worst case scenarios, any kind of intrusive thoughts are abruptly cut short when Cassandra grabs her face, pulling her in, and kisses her.

Elsa doesn’t stop to think it through, she ungracefully grips at the other’s shirt to keep her close for as long as possible.

She can’t say how much it lasts, she gets so lost in it, she can’t tell where she ends, and Cassandra starts.

Cassandra, _reserved brooding Cassandra_ , who is trying her best to suppress the smile against her lips, but who is failing at it spectacularly.

_So, this is how it feels like? This is how a kiss is supposed to feel like?_

Later, when she pulls away a few inches, her hands still firmly on Elsa’s cheeks, Cassandra practically sighs, resting her forehead on hers: “Took you long enough.”

And Elsa exhales shakily “I am so sorry…”

Cassandra shakes her head, just a little, probably just not to part completely from her.

“It doesn’t matter now.”

“It does. It really does… But I assure you, I am not running away from this. Ever again.”

“Glad to hear it.”

With her hand she moves to caress her cheek and Elsa almost melts under her touch.

It’s new to her, but this kind of softness it’s something she could gladly get used to.

Then Cassandra lowers her head to hide her face, but it’s hard not to see her smile, it’s hard to look away, because that is something she doesn’t do often, that she doesn’t do lightly. But when she does, it manages to light her up completely, and it’s something so rare to witness, every time Elsa is a little taken aback by it, even now she is very much entranced by it.

It’s a beautiful sight. _She_ is beautiful.

“When… when do we leave?”

“Trust me, if it was up to me, I would jump out of that window and start running right now. That’s how much I want us to leave this place.”

“Agreed...”

“But we’ll have talk with Rapunzel and Eugene. We should discuss this together.”

“Absolutely.”

“Anna is on board?”

“Obviously…” without putting too much thought into it, Elsa brings her hand up on Cassandra’s, faintly grazing her wrist “When I mentioned it to her, she was about to start packing on the spot. She almost kicked me out of here herself.”

“Did I already tell you that I like her? Like, a lot. _She is fierce_.”

“Let’s see how you feel about that, when you wake up and see her every day. Do you think you can put up with that much energy?”

“Who do you think you are talking to? I’m a veteran, I live with Rapunzel. And _Eugene_.”

Elsa can’t help but chuckle.

“I’m sorry to be such an inconvenience. Me and Anna I mean.”

Cassandra frowns so deeply it almost looks comical, she can’t object fast enough: “Don’t be ridiculous, you are not an inconvenience. Rapunzel will be thrilled, Eugene… well, he’s _Eugene_ … but no, absolutely, we’ll need time to get used to it… but we’ll make this work just fine. It will be alright.”

Reassured, she wrinkles her nose playfully “It will be so chaotic.”

“Definitely. We will _never_ know peace again…” almost automatically Cassandra tucks a strand of Elsa’s hair behind her ear, her fingertips ghosting around her ear “I think it might be worth it, though.”

And _the way_ she is looking at her, makes Elsa’s heart flutter, so much that she straightens herself with a sharp intake of breath.

Cassandra looks at her perplexed.

“Listen, I… I have to ask. Are you sure about this? Really sure?”

“Of course I am. I mean it, seriously I can’t wait.”

“Okay… okay good.”

But it’s not all, there is something that bothers her, Elsa doesn’t have to wait long, because Cassandra is not the type to be holding out something on the tip of her tongue.

In fact, she asks even if a bit hesitantly: “Then what… what is it?”

“Nothing I… I was just thinking.”

“About what?”

“… if I tell you, you can’t be snarky about it.”

“When am I ever snarky?”

“Cassandra…”

“Okay, okay… Promise.”

“I was thinking it has a nice ring.”

“What does?”

“Us.”

Even if she indeed promised her not to make fun of her, Elsa almost expects her to do it anyway, instead Cassandra is deadly quiet, actually she tucks her head deeper, her hair functions almost as a cover of her expression.

Elsa tilts her own head, realizing something.

“Are you… blushing?”

“No, I’m not.”

It comes out too quick to be believable. And it’s blatantly evident on her face.

Cassandra blushing is probably in the top of the most adorable things Elsa has ever seen, but instead of teasing her about it, she absentmindedly starts playing with Cassandra’s collar. Hoping to be a comfort and especially silently reassure her.

“I thought that by now you could take sentimentality better... since you basically wrote me a love song.”

Cassandra side glances at her, but the glint of defiance in her eyes is coming back in full force, “I write dozens of songs. What makes you think this one is about you? Not everything I do revolves around you...”

She is just teasing, but Elsa feel all the same a sense of dread, vaguely doubting herself, “Is it not?”

At her reaction, Cassandra slowly circles Elsa’s waist with her arm, leading her again into her embrace.

“Fine okay it is… but we are done talking about it.”

“Why? It’s one of your best works.”

“It’s embarrassing. And dumb… and extremely basic.”

“It’s none of that. Especially not _basic_. It’s simple… simple doesn’t mean basic. And I find it beautiful.”

“Hey, it’s your song. You are the only one who has to like it.”

“I do. Very much.”

Her fingers still linger on Cassandra’s neck, who doesn’t seem distracted by the way they keep going up and down on it, there is a relaxing domesticity they got themselves into right now, a sort of bubble neither of them is eager to break sooner or later.

“Even if I think Aurora likes it too.”

All the composure Cassandra has managed to keep until then, suddenly vanishes, as she breaks into a full free laugh “Oh my god, _you are so_ _jealous_. Honestly, this is something I will never get tired of.”

“I am not jealous. Mine is a simple… concern.”

“Sure, keep telling yourself that.”

She briefly cups Elsa’s face one more time, then heads towards her desk, grabbing the bottle of bourbon on it, to pour herself a drink.

Now that she has put some distance between them, Elsa has more control over herself and crosses her arms, narrowing her eyes “You are enjoying this way too much.”

“Maybe a little.”

She brings the glass to her lips and sips it, rhythmically tapping on it with her fingers, she looks up again, a strange look on her face.

“Els?”

“Mmm?”

“You know, right, that I love _you_?”

Elsa must give her that, when she says it, she stares her dead in the eyes, she looks firm, but Elsa knows how difficult it is for her to open up, to let herself be vulnerable.

For a moment she is too stunned to say something back, no matter how many times Cassandra clarifies it, she is still surprised when she hears it.

“Yeah, I know…” she strolls back to her and leans with her back against the desk, gently reaching for the glass in Cassandra’s hand, who gracefully lets her take it, to take a sip for herself. She doesn’t know if the liquid that makes her bolder, or the fact that she has already put herself out and she has nothing to hide anymore, but she tells it anyway: “I love you too.”

As impossible as it might seem that this is indeed happening to her of all people, she is not dreaming, this is very much real.

Cassandra doesn’t respond right away, she simply settles next to her, the hand on her desk so close to hers they are basically touching. Until she indeed moves to touch it, loosely taking it in hers.

She slightly squeezes and Elsa does the same without hesitation.

“And we are getting out of here.”

“We are getting out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we have reached the end of another fic, again I don't know how I managed to finish it, props to me about it, whoever you are, thank you for reading. I hope you liked it or that was at least was fun to read as it was to me to write it. It's no secret I thrive in angst and drama. Thank you again and byeeeee

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I have no idea what I am doing. Hope you enjoyed. See you soon :)


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